As days go by

I haven’t blogged in a while. Despite having switched from enjoying-life-mode back into grind-and-earn-money mode, I’ve managed to maintain a remarkable sense of self-actualization over the past few weeks. I think the reason for that is partly because I try to work less long days, as I mentioned in the previous post. I get time to recover and clear my mind at the end of the day, rather than never fully clearing it and piling up new workloads the next day without having fully processed the previous day.

Working less hours is part of the reason, but also a consequence of something else. My goals in life have become startlingly clear to me after I found out exactly how much money I need to buy a house in this bloody country. It’ll take years and years of savings to fully pay off a nice house. Even if I found  a better paying job, the difference it would make will never be as significant as I want it to be. And even with a better paying job you’re bound by obligations and forced to work for the better part of the year. Given that fact, I’d say I’ve got a pretty damn good job right now, and I see no reason to change it for something marginally better.

Financial independence is the final goal. It’s not even worth thinking about what I’ll do after I achieve it, because the possibilities will be endless. In the past I tried several times to ‘do a startup’, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. But what I’ve come to realize is that the startup life is not something that I want for myself. I’m usually quite introverted, and although I learned that I can muster up the extroversion needed to function capably in a startup role, it’s not something I enjoy doing or would feel comfortable with doing for a long period of time.

This is the point where people tell me “but to gain something you will have to step out of your comfort zone”. Well, yes and no. Stepping too far out of your comfort zone is simply not sustainable and will wear you down. For me, I think I function at my best while 95% within my comfort zone, using the remaining 5% to explore new territories. I need to find things out for myself. Advice from others only helps at the most superficial level, any concrete advice will be noted only for reference while I make my own mistakes, from within that very comfortable 95% plan.

Realizing that I am more reluctant to leave my comfort zone than I previously though, I began to list my options. The list is limited, of course, compared to before, but the remaining options are those that I feel much more enthusiastic about than anything else. And because the options are 95% within my comfort zone, I get to expand my knowledge while actually enjoying it rather than feeling stressed out.

I don’t believe that any advance in knowledge in the field of programming is going to help me to make progress as a human being. While it’s true that I’m getting better at coding, especially within a project atmosphere, most of the things that I learned, that I value highly, are as a result of interactions with people. Focusing deeply on a topic will teach you two things: in-depth knowledge of the topic, and how to focus deeply. I think I’ve learned enough on how to focus deeply on something to apply it to things other than programming. Don’t get me wrong, I still love to code. But I find that a lot of my peers see coding as the final goal, whereas whatever the thing is that they’re coding is just a happy side effect. I want to use programming as a means to an end, whatever end that could be, even if it has nothing to do with coding or dev-ops or anything technical. I believe that if I can use programming in this way, I can become better as a person.

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The law of diminishing returns

There’s an ideal amount of time you can spend at work, working. In fact there’s more than one ideal amount of time. In my case, I find that if I work for 6 hours and then go home, I still have enough mental energy left to work on personal projects after the commute. Working 8 hours is also good, although productivity does decrease a lot in the later hours. But it’s better than working 7 hours, because in that case I find myself both mentally tired and not with enough time and mental energy to do stuff at home.

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The GT86 goes to Bedford

(skip if you don’t like cars!)

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My second track day. The morning started out foggy, moist and meh, but the clouds soon disappeared and made way for a somewhat blue sky. For once in my life I had been hoping that the day would be full of rain, since that would greatly decrease the wear on the tires and brakes, but it was not to be. I met up with an old friend and his RX7 and soon we were off doing our first laps at Bedford Autodrome, SEN circuit.

Since the track was still wet, it proved quite an interesting start. Unfortunately I had pressed the wrong button in my car, and instead of disabling all the driving aids I just managed to set it into sport mode, meaning odd correctional behaviour at the slightest twitch of the rear. Very confusing to me because I actually thought I had turned everything off, so the car’s handling didn’t make much sense to me. But eventually I figured out I was pushing the wrong button and managed to sort it out. By then the track had dried up and I managed to get into my groove.

Since I was driving with my friend’s much more powerful RX7, he proved a great benchmark to pit myself against. I managed to keep up with him quite well in the morning by braking late and driving right on the limit, but my buddy soon found out that one of his air intake hoses was slightly loose and was wasting precious air. He then proceeded to get into his own groove and blasted me away. The lack of power of the GT86 is absolutely noticeable during track days, especially when trying to overtake cars that are weaker in theory, but are in practice just fast enough to make it near-impossible to overtake on a straight, which, according to track day rules, is the only place you’re allowed to overtake. In some cases I managed to get a good enough corner exit to speed past a car before it picks up speed, which usually makes people realize that I’m faster and they should let me pass, but on other times there’s some annoying driver who never looks in his rear-view mirror and I’m stuck behind him for 2 whole laps. Oddly enough I didn’t see a single blue flag for the entire day, so I assume that the officials don’t mind a bit more aggressive overtaking.

In the afternoon my friend and I did a passenger session in each other’s cars, which was very enlightening. It’s quite amazing how different the RX7 handles compared to the GT86. It rolled a lot more, but at the same time felt more grippy and secure, and there’s no comparing the 86′s naturally aspirated engine to the twin-turbo powerhouse of the RX7. While my friend was sitting next to me I had a lucky streak and managed to overtake a pesky car in glorious fashion on the back straight purely by coming out of the corner better than him. Then a few laps later I managed to do my first power(ish) slide! I’m getting better at this driving thing :D.

The fun didn’t last too long, though, once again due to the brakes. The brakes started needing a bit more pumping not long after the day began, but this issue didn’t get much worse over the course of the day and was quite manageable. During the afternoon I started experiencing a lot of jittering and shuddering while braking hard, which was the same thing I experienced near the end of the previous track day. The problem gradually got worse over time and although it didn’t affect the braking power too much, it did seem like an obvious issue with some part of the brake system. I suspect it’s the discs, but don’t know enough about brake mechanics to be sure. I pushed the brakes a bit more but didn’t manage to cause them to fail horribly, so I assume they’re not a total write-off just yet. That said, I really need to get some proper track day brakes installed because this is just no fun.

The tires were surprisingly fine. The brakes heated up a lot, which heated up the tires a lot, which expanded the air inside them, which decreased the grippyness, but it was all quite manageable. I let a bit of air out once and the pressures did not increase significantly during the rest of the day, although the tires did start losing grip near the end. It was very noticeable in some corners where I just couldn’t help but squealingly drift outwards towards the side even though I was doing the same speed, gear and line I was doing earlier in the day.

Cars really aren’t a cheap hobby. A track day will cost you at least 100GBP+ just to book it, and then you’ll spend at least 2 full tanks of gas to get there and back, and to rev your engine on the track. In my case it seems that I don’t have to worry about replacing the tires just yet, but brake pads are going to be a recurring purchase, it would seem. Oh well, I can’t say I mind. Driving on track days is really good fun and an absolute must if you’re into cars. My next one probably won’t be any time soon. Many months will pass until the weather and my car are suitable again. I can’t wait.

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Everything in its right place (?)

Right, let’s get a little life streamwrite out of the way before starting the next phase of my life.

I am officially back to work after several months of break. I have to admit that I’m quite pleased about how I’m back at the old place, working with the people I know and like so well. While I’ve been away, absolutely nothing has changed in the company. It’s comfortable because I know what to expect. Too comfortable, perhaps? We’ll see.

Only four days ago I was relaxing at a tropical island with my girlfriend. We spent the whole week doing non-supervised scuba diving at the various dive sites of the island. It was pretty amazing. The perfect ending for a long period of holidays.

But everything must end, and everyone who is not filthy rich must eventually go back to work. My life always seems to be in either a self-actualized, enough-sleep, learning-new-things kind of holiday or semi-holiday period, or in an utter grind to level up and earn more money. There seems to be no middle ground. I can already feel myself slowly descending into grind mode. Self-awareness helps to keep yourself in the holiday mode for a bit longer, but it never last forever.

Some events can easily push you over the edge and make you lose self-awareness. In my case, I only barely caught myself at this yesterday. For the whole summer my home had been quiet, relaxed and peaceful, but yesterday all the housemates were back from holiday, and they were being noisy, instantly making me regret the decision I had made in quieter times to not find a new apartment but save up to buy one instead.

This place, where I live now, is absolutely not where I want to spend the rest of my life. But it’s comfortable enough to serve as a temporary base of operations until my girlfriend and I get enough money to buy our own home. Given that we are living and working in London, with some of the craziest house prices in the whole world, that is not an easy task. Given that I am committed to living here, the fact that I am powerless to affect my housing situation for the better makes me lash out and try to blame anything and everything. My housemates for making noise, my landlord for the rent price (even though he’s the nicest and most reasonable guy I’ve ever met and I like him a lot), the entire country for being so politically fucked up that they can’t do anything about this, and so on.

But at least I have an out. It’s a steep climb and it will take time, but there is a way out to reach a situation that I would be ultimately happy with and could find no fault with from my current perspective. Many people here don’t even have that chance because they simply will never earn enough money to buy a house.

It’s going to be a tough period before the winter holidays. It’s like that every year. But I’ve found my direction. I know what I’m aiming for, I know how to measure my progress, and I know that I can make it. Perhaps that’s enough.

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Time fills itself up

..or: what I’ve been doing the past few weeks. (tl;dr – nothing much)

I’m still officially on my not-quite-a-holiday-but-not-quite-working-either period. I was hoping to have a few weeks of absolutely nothing on my hands: no obligations, no chores, no must-do’s, no anything. The last time I had a period like that was after I left Japan and was in Holland with my parents for a few months. I tried to tell myself that such a period was still possible, but I really kinda knew already that it wouldn’t be.

In-between holidays and holiday planning I ended up searching for rental apartments, houses to buy and jobs. Since I decided I wanted I car, I had to decide which car to buy and deal with all the arrangements around that. I was expecting a bit of quiet after my sister came to visit, but because a middle-aged lady ran her car into mine I had to deal with getting the insurance money and the garage (which still isn’t quite dealt with, by the way..). Then a chance for a beneficial holiday presented itself, meaning I had to deal with delaying my resume date for work.

I had unreasonably expected another period of quiet right around now, but was wrong again. The car insurance thing is still going, so no mental peace there. Furthermore, I need to deal with renewing my passport, since it expires within 6 months, and accommodations for the next holiday aren’t quite perfect yet. Lastly, after the track day I did with the GT86 the brakes felt like they’ve grown a bit weaker, so I’ve been researching about which brake pads, discs and fluid to buy. I have to say that they’ve firmed up again after this week’s rain, so it’s not a necessity, just a luxury problem to ensure that the next track day goes more smoothly.

Lastly, I came back from holiday yesterday and some chav children decided that it would be fun to fuck around near my car. I was walking towards them from a distance when I noticed them touching it, and they appeared to be play-fighting and throwing themselves across the street, flinging each other into whatever came in their path, including my car. Yesterday was quite possible the first time in my life that I managed to intimidate someone (with language of course, not violence). The incident made me realize that I wanted to beef up my surveillance setup, for which I got a raspberry pi and infrared camera plus light. I spent half of today trying to get that set up, only to be rather disappointed by the frame rates. It seems to be a work in progress, though, as with everything Linux. At least the resolution is good. Still, setting it up properly will keep me busy for quite some time.

This is how time works. There’s no such thing as ‘free’ time. As soon as a time slot appears free, something immediately fills it up. There’s no use fighting it. Just accept it and fill as many slots as you can with things that you enjoy.

A long summer break. I’m actually kind of looking forward to getting back to work.

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My first track day at Snetterton with the GT86

Two days ago I cheekily booked in a track day for myself at Snetterton. I had been planning to delay my first track encounter until October so I could go with a friend who could introduce me, but I had some free time this week and decided to just go for it. My first time driving a proper road car for performance.

A two-hour drive later and I arrive at Snetterton. I’m fairly early but some other people are already done with the signup. It doesn’t take too long, and I’m soon waved away to get my car measured for noise. With that done I just wander around the pit area walking around. There’s not many people yet, and those that are there already are of the young, chavvy kind. Not exactly my kind of scene, nor will it ever be. After a long wait the safety briefing begins, which is not particularly exciting or surprising, except for the fact that you’re only allowed to overtake on the left (since it’s a right-hand track) for safety reasons. Me being the ultimate novice worrier, this puts me at ease a bit. I’ve been waiting 2 hours now, I just want to get going.

After the safety briefing I manage to get one of the instructors to go with me on my first session. Well, second session, because the entire first session consists of introduction laps behind a pace car. I hardly know where to go but soon I manage to get myself and my car in the pit lane, ready for the first laps. I was expecting a reasonably slow parade lap kind of show, since it was just meant to familiarize ourselves with the track, but the group of cars I’m in speed up to near race pace. It caught me unawares but I manage to keep up, unlike a car about 5 cars ahead of me, which soon gives up trying to follow the pace car and starts driving at its own pace. Since we’re not allowed to overtake during the first session, we all drive neatly behind the slower car until the session finishes.

After a short break all the novices head back into the pit lane for the second session, and I pick up my instructor. There’s not much time for chitchat as we immediately head out and I tackle the first corner like a shitty amateur. The instructor reiterates what was said in the briefing about when to brake and makes a comment about the heal-toe downshift I just fucked up. Although the guy, whose name I don’t even know, was rather blunt  in his comments, it did help me out. A bit, at least. Most of the stuff he said was stuff that I should (and do) know already, but in the excitement of actually being out on a real track in a real car, sort of forgot about. So it’s good to have someone next to you to keep hammering it in to you that you should stick to the racing line, brake at the right moments, don’t shift too much and so on. That said, I can’t say that it was the perfect learning environment. There’s just way too many cars on the track, despite the organization claiming that they limit the number of cars for novice sessions.

At some point near the end of the second session my instructor commented: “do you smell that? that’s brakes”. I asked him if it was the brakes of the beaten-down 90s Peugeot driving in front of me, but no, the smell was indeed emanating from my own brakes. At the end of the second session, as I parked up, a Ford Fiesta pulled up next to me and I could see the smoke coming off its brakes. Mine were not quite as bad, but the entire pit lane smelled of burnt-up brakes.

The final two sessions I did all on my own, but I didn’t quite get up to peak performance again because I wanted to spare my brakes. The third session was a very good intro to all kinds of lovely things: locking the wheels while braking and turning, inducing oversteer in a slow corner by powering up too much, and some proper battles with similarly-matched cars. The GT86 really showed its strengths and weaknesses here: I managed to catch up with cars that were faster than me in the corners, but on the straights they would start to outrun me. In the fourth session I had a great time chasing after a Porsche 911 Turbo, which I let pass on the straight and then managed to hold on to for 2 whole laps before my brakes started fading again and I had to slow my pace.

I guess the thing that surprised me the most is how serious things were on-track. It doesn’t matter what kind of person you are off-track, once you’re on the track, it’s just you and the car. You immediately have to be ultra-aware of everything and be in full racing mindset. Another thing that surprised me is how much and how quickly tire wear and brake wear affect the driving experience. I honestly didn’t think that you could fade your brakes in a single 20-minute session. The tires took a bit longer to warm up, but at the end of the third and fourth sessions I could definitely sense that they were more eager to lose grip than they were in the beginning. It could just be that they heated up and were a bit too high on pressure.

At the end of the evening I let my brakes cool down a bit and had a break before heading back home. The brakes had been a bit squeaky before the track day, and they used to be covered with some kind of yellow blotchiness. After the track day they were squeaky clean and without the squeak. There wasn’t much socializing going on between the racers, they were all in their own groups and mostly headed home immediately.

As I drove back doing the speed limit on a dark highway, I felt more in control of my car than before. I know its limits now; when the grip of the tires starts to fade, how much stopping power the brakes can deliver, and what happens if you can’t clear a corner cleanly. All of these are things that you should never need on the public road, but knowing them still makes me feel more confident.

By the way, GT86 torque dip: completely irrelevant on-track. The only reason you’d want this fixed is if you’re only using it on the highway; on track you’d constantly be at higher revs anyway, and then all you’ll want is some serious power rather than a tiny torque fix. Seriously, a lot of the cars I saw on track today were very evenly matched, despite differing BHP levels and different weights. Mostly it came down to driver skill and familiarity with the track. If you’re racing a GT86, first get better brakes, then better tires, then a supercharger (which incidentally should fix the torque dip as well).

Part of me is dying to spend lots of money on my car, to get better brakes, tires, exhaust and maybe a supercharger. But that would be silly. It would be better to get a dedicated track-day car instead, and a racing license, which would offer a more proper racing experience. But that’s not the reason I got this car. GT stands for Grand Touring: for taking your car out on a long trip and enjoying the way it drives. I’m finding out that, to me, perhaps, track days will be a means to improve my skill with the car so I can enjoy it more on public roads. Maybe. That’s how I feel about it right now, perhaps that will change over time. We’ll find out after the next track day .

 

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GT86: first impressions

(written on 2014/07/19) So, I bought a car! And not just any car. I thought about saving money and going for an economic model, or an old second hand one, but I couldn’t help myself. I went to a used car lot to have a look at a BMW 1 Coupe, but as soon as the diesel engine started and the smell of it reached my nose I realized I did not want a diesel. With that incident my resolve to get an impractical fun level reached the threshold, and I bought a second hand GT86. Woohoo!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The meh:

  • Fuel consumption is not exactly great, but on the bright side, it doesn’t seem to consume that much more fuel if you drive it like you stole it, so no need to hold back :)
  • After a week of driving I’ve gotten used to the power and the sound rather quickly. It’s all very civilized. That’s probably a good thing considering it’s my first rear-wheel-drive car.

The awesome:

  • Dashboard is excellent. Very focused, a joy to use.
  • Lovely short gears. Wow. Such shifting.
  • Handling is ridiculously sharp and does nothing unexpected whatsoever. It feels perfect.
  • Suspension is firm but not too firm. Excellent feel for the road.
  • Very good steering wheel and feedback.

I’ve taken it out almost every day this week, to get a feel for the car and to get to know the roads in my area better. Going northwest of Watford there’s a lot of nice B-roads, where this car seems to feel the most at home. Although you can tell that there’s a lot more potential and power in there that would not be legal to unleash on public roads. Most importantly, the car feels comfortable and confident during longer drives. It’s a great place to be in, and that’s what I wanted. More, much more, to come

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Update, a few weeks later. I’m doing pretty much exactly 35mpg, which is the manufacturer-reported mpg. My driving style is a mix of extremely conservative while in city traffic and mildly enthusiastic when getting onto a nice road. I guess everything is as expected. There have been no odd surprises, no unexpected behavior, no strange quirks. The car is as predictable and tame as you’d expect it to be during normal road usage. I can only imagine what it’ll be like on a track, and perhaps I’ll have a chance to take it out on a track day this year. I did have a chance to see a near-identical GT86 perform a parade lap on a track. Oddly enough it was the quietest car there. Literally every other car was louder than the GT86! I couldn’t believe it really. It’s such a tame car when not pushed to its limits. That’s my pervading image of it as I’m driving it. It doesn’t have as strong a presence (personality?) as an RX7 or even a Subaru Impreza would have. All other sportscars seem to be more.. unique than the GT86. Or perhaps I’m just thinking that because I own one now. Still, this is my first (real) sports car. Our personality will grow as we grow.

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Update, another few weeks later. The car is fun! I’m becoming more confident in driving my new friend, but I have a lot to learn. I’m really enjoying it though, and I feel excited every time I take it out. My attitude while driving is still mostly ‘get good fuel economy’, although sometimes I have moments of “drive it like you stole it”. The car accommodates either. I’ve been reading about it online to see if it has any quirks, and the only thing I could find was the so-called torque gap in the mid revs, which I do find I actually notice, since the high revs tend to be a bit off-limits on most public roads, so the mid revs are where you want it to start pulling to get up to speed with things. An ECU + exhaust kit apparently fixes this quite nicely, but I’m not quite ready to think about that just yet.

Side note: I also got my first damage.. Just after I parked the car at a supermarket, a middle-aged lady decided to reverse-park into it as I was just walking away from the car. As soon as I heard the scraping I turned around and saw the woman performing the worst ever reverse-park that I ever saw in my life. Fortunately it was only bodywork damage, but it will need to get fixed. What a fucking hassle..

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Update, today. The power and rear-wheel-drive-y-ness does let itself known when you’re parking on slopes, especially combined with grass or gravel. It’s entirely possible to either spin the wheels too much or do something naughty to your clutch if you’re not careful. Makes for good training though.

People have been reporting that the GT86 has a torque dip right in the mid range of the revs where it’s slow to pick up compared to the rest of the rev range. I’ve actually noticed this a lot myself lately, because I’m usually too much of a pussy to use the higher revs on public roads, so the highest I go tends to be the mid range. Mild annoyance, easily dealt with by changing driving style a bit, getting an aftermarket ecu and optional exhaust fix, or just putting up with it.

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How to be polite

Original article: How to be polite. HN Discussion: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=8178536

I don’t often reply on Hacker News, but when I do, I post it here too because I wrote much wordses.


Excellent article, and I feel it applies to me. maqr’s comment about this being dangerously close to social engineering rings very true, although I doubt that it’s intentional/by choice. Personally I’ve never had a lot of natural conversational skills, so I find myself falling back to old tricks that work at times when I’m not confident, and sometimes they happen to be tricks that relate to social engineering. I’d like to think that this doesn’t make my interactions less genuine. Finding a polite way to proceed through the conversation has not been a problem for me since I learned this.

Lately, rather than moving towards politeness, I’m trying to move away from it. The examples of always replying positively to people, never steering towards or even approach hostility is a very, very tiring path to walk. In my experience, it does pay off on the whole, but I’ve spent a lot of time talking to people that were just never ‘interesting’ or ‘rewarding’ to be with, simply because it always seems easier to please than to confront.

These days I’m trying to move towards blunt honesty with people as soon as I can (after an initial period of polite conversation to gauge if they’d be comfortable with it). So far, I think the people I know appreciate me more for it, and the people who wouldn’t appreciate me for it are not in my life.

Or perhaps it just feels good to try something different.

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