The colorful wolf

... so don't take it too seriously, it's just random mindramblings :D

I am twenty two. I am writing a blogpost here, for two reasons. Both of these reasons concern other people's blogs. One blog talks about people that like reading anything from people they know, even if it is mundane. The other is from a blogger who is not exactly happy being a certain age, and I believe that blogger is looking back to the past a bit too much. So why not make an incredibly mundane and boring post about both? You know you like it ;)

I am twenty two. In my daily life I deal with people that are my age, or people that are older than me. I spent a lot of time around people who are around 30, and I've spent time around people that are 20. It only shows me that age really cannot tell you ANYTHING about a person. People get married when they are 20. People travel around the world when they approach 30. Other people are still studying at 25-26. Some people graduate at 24-25 and look for something to do, when they decide to go to another country. Some people decide to do this when they are 25, others decide this at 20. The same goes for marriage. Some people marry at 20, others marry at 35, or 40, or not at all. There's all kinds of people.

I'm just a guy searching for direction, I guess. I thought I found my direction, but I lost it again, and I'm now at a point where I don't care much about my future at all. My situation now is in fact very similar to the time when I was just graduated and got the offer for Japan. I decided to do something crazy then. I don't have that choice any more, since I'm already doing the most crazy thing I can imagine. I can choose to go back to normal life in Holland, or back to normal life here. Because life will become normal if I stay longer. I've exhausted the local tourist spots, and even the remote tourist spots. Seeing the same sights twice will mean I have become an inhabitant of this country and no longer a tourist, and that's where my life will be headed if I stay here. I can get the same thing in Holland, but with a better job and better prospects for the future.

Then again, I am only twenty two. And I never did like to do the sensible thing. After all, why do the sensible thing when you can surprise, or perhaps annoy, the whole world by doing something crazy? That's just me. That's the thing that I like to do. Stubborn and childish perhaps, or a man showing to the world that you don't have to do things the sensible way in order to have a great and wonderful life. Or am I just proving it to myself? I had a talk with a friend a couple of nights ago, and he said I would have no trouble finding a job in Holland, and he suggested one of the biggest IT companies in Holland, where surely I could get a job in programming. I thought about it, and I think, sensibly speaking, it's a very smart decision. Something to build on for the future, and something with long-term prospects.

But that would be the sensible thing. I am not sensible. I am crazy. I still feel the need to do crazy things. Maybe it's my youth, but I don't think so. My personality has always been like this, though I have repressed it in some periods. Why go back to Holland now, and be one-of-many? A programming machine used by a company like they use their toilet paper? ... Ok, I'm exaggerating a bit too much now, but you get the idea. It's not much more than an idea in fact, I'm sure in practice I won't care at all and I'll be very happy there, but only the 'idea' of abandoning Japan for that seems not enough to me. I'm not yet ready to do the sensible thing.

I don't want to miss Japan. Too many memories. _Hit and run sushi. It's a special technique, whereby you walk into a sushi bar that's way too expensive for your taste, order one piece of sushi, pay in only 1 and 5 yen coins and then have a nice meal at the sukiya curry place next door. _Midnight ramen. After a nice movie going to the station for a midnight ramen, which tasted so delicious. _Game nights. Playing MSX and Super Nintendo games all night, and then going to Denny's (American food) at 6 in the morning for breakfast. _Fishing. Going to the riverside at 1 in the night in a poor attempt to fish without bait, and you end up singing until 5 at a karaoke bar. _Football. Seeing the world cup matches in the middle of the night because the time zone is screwed up, and going to Roppongi to see the Holland vs. Portugal match with some Portugese people. _Parties. So many parties in the commonroom. So many drunk people. So many funny hats, boobs, and vacuum cleaners. _Crazy trips. How can I forget the first of many adventures: the Kyoto trip? It opened a new world for me. It led to the trip with my sister, the Hokkaido trip, and even the Izu trip. Planning things yourself and making your own schedule. The trips are still getting better and better.

_Farewells. Yes, even the farewells are fond memories for me. Maybe I really do like suffering, but I can find joy in saying farewell to my best friends. When people leave you realize how close you actually are to them. Sometimes you realize this earlier, but you only feel it when they actually leave. It's a part of life, and being able to say 'Nice to meet you' and 'Farewell' is an important part of that.

I'm ranting on again when I should be planning for my Beijing trip :D One month! I will go to Beijing on March 20th and come back on the 25th. The sights have been set and the ticket is work in progress, thanks to NN! All that remains is finding a cheap hostel where people speak a language I can understand, and fixing my time table. Woohoo!

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What do I really want? I wish I knew. I will take what I can get. And I will get that which I think that I want. I am spoiled. So far I always got what I wanted. Always. Maybe I don't want enough. I believe that if 'one' wants something badly enough, he can get it. Because he will work for it, and he will live for it and die for it. I am like that. But I don't know what I really want.