I made an observation today: I like to hang out with people that make me feel less normal. Doing crazy things makes me feel good. It's great fun when you're going to an abandoned theme park, or if you have to find a place to camp in the middle of the night in some weird countryside place. But life becomes a lot less fun when I suddenly have to think about getting a new job, or what I want to do with your future.
I am quite comfortable here in Japan, with my current company, because I get to be crazy. I get to do crazy things with new people who only come here for one year. They want to get the most out of it, and they will go along with any crazy idea I can offer them, and sometimes they top even my craziness. It's perfect. With so much things to do here I don't have to think about anything. But recently, I am finding out more and more that I don't have enough time to do all the things I want, and that delaying things won't work. Some things are temporary. You can only do them now. Even if you delay them until later, you might not like to do the same things a couple of years from now. From now on there is no more free time. There is always something better I could be doing. Every single moment of every 'free' day that I have, I feel that I could have been doing something more useful. I could have been with friends, I could have been looking for jobs, I could have been with my girlfriend. And it bothers me that I didn't do what I could.
But not anymore. I have recently started what I myself call 'life project', which, in laymans terms, means that I will get up from my sorry ass and start doing shit. Thanks Bert, you influenced my language a lot. prioritizing things, making a list of tasks and subtasks and scheduling them. Of course I'm still delaying the stuff I should do, but it gets done. And after doing things, and realizing why I do things, I feel a lot better. Why? Because I know what I'm doing all this stuff for. To have fun! To be happy! That is what life is all about, and no one can change my opinion about that. Enjoying life. If you can enjoy life then you don't need anything else. Any goal that I set for myself is set to enjoy life more.
Pinpointing this objective helps me find out more clear why I am not motivated for certain things, even when they seem fun. Of course there's the hard parts. The tasks that I don't like to do now, but will help me enjoy life more later. As part of my life project I will accept those and take care of them, and because I know why I do them I do not feel so bad when I am doing something utterly and completely boring. Tolerance plays an important part here, and for the past year I have not been very accepting of the world in general. Either because of a depressed mood or because of lack of sleep (which really affects my mood, I found!), I always have something to complain about. In fact, I've complained so much recently that I've forgotten that I actually enjoy complaining! It's fun to complain about stuff. It makes other people more happy. Really.
People! Enjoy life. Get enough sleep. Think about your future. But not too much. It will be all right. Believe me.
On a completely unrelated note:
Keywords: vocaloid, caramelldansen ^^