Lost but not found

What do you do when you want to help people who don't want to be helped? Who am I to even define who needs help and who doesn't, and who is worthy of my help? Who am I to think that I even can help someone? These are questions I am asking myself lately, and they are questions that are embedded deeply in the core of myself.

I don't like to have too many friends. I'd rather spend a lot of time with a few friends so that I will have time to really get to know them well. I enjoy spending time with my friends, and finding out why they do the things they do, and how they got from where they started from until the point where they end up talking to me. I believe that everybody can be interesting, and so far all of my friends have proven this. Many people are predictable. Of all the people I know, once I get to know them more, I get to understand their motivations and their reasoning, and I can get a good general image of their mind, and how they would react on certain situations. I'd say my intuition about this is above average, and I'm quite proud of this, even though it's a peculiar obscure little thing to have. This proudness has also helped shape my character.

I have a peculiar fascination with people I cannot predict. Unpredictable people intrigue me. It often happens that people seem unpredictable at first glance, but after talking to them for a while I get a better grasp of their motivations and interest, and as a result I myself lose interest in them because I feel I have figured them out. I learned the trick behind the machine, so it's not fun any more. I think quite a lot of people share the same feelings about this.

Sometimes I think my inquisitive nature and third-person point-of-view allows me to see aspects of people's lives that are often hidden from themselves, and as such I am able to see things about them that they don't see themselves. Confronting them with that has proved foolish every time though, and I really should stop doing that. One thing holds true for all the people I know: after I got to know them well, I can understand them. This holds true for all but one... One person I have failed to understand. I can't seem to get through to her, no matter how hard I try. Perhaps that is why I am so interested in her.

Posted in Thoughts