A day off

I took today off to think about things. Here are some random bullet points.

  • London is cold and gray and rainy. Perfect for thinking. Shit for living.
  • The act of leaving the house and not knowing where you'll go today is a wonderful experience that I cannot do without.
  • Not letting any conscious decision guide my activities today, I assumed I'd be spending time playing games, cleaning up the house or writing my startup pitch. Instead, I found myself in central London, wandering around.
  • My current apartment is not home. I will not feel at home in London until I move.
  • Perhaps I should try to get seriously wasted on alcohol and see if I can achieve a meditative state.
  • Fast-food chains in a big city provide a beautiful loud¬†anonymity that truly gets me at ease, and in a different mental state from when I'm at home.
  • I want more random encounters in my life.
  • A part of me wants to get mugged just to see how I'd react.
  • For the past months I thought my memory has been getting worse. On a day without stress, it's better again. Stress is preventing me from accessing my memories.
  • It's not just the memories that stress affects, it's the personality as well. I am literally a different person under stress, lacking the available brainpower to be able to watch myself from the third person while I go about life. Without observation there can be no analysis, no solution and no improvement. Stress is stagnation.
  • If I had shitloads of money, I would: slack off for months, go cycling in various countries, move back to Japan, and eventually end up being a programmer again.
  • Approaching 30. Everyone I know is getting married, settling down and having children. I am the only one left out.

 

Posted in Thoughts