I don't really have anything to write about. There's plenty of things going on in my head, but nothing I can really write here on my blog. Not because I don't want to. It's because they're so vague that I can hardly begin to describe them. Tonight I could have done many things, yet my computer drew me back into internet, wikipedia and mindless browsing, and before I knew it it's already midnight.
It's been very long since I last had a chance to really focus on a single task. Either at work or in my private life, there are always other things on my mind, no matter what task I am doing. And somehow, either because of my own subconscious preference, coincidence or bad luck, I always find myself busy with the task I like the least. But I end up liking it in the end. And then I have to switch to another task.
Tonight has been quite relaxing. My PC is still broken, but I can't fix it right now, so I can accept that. Work too has been taken care of. I have been overloaded with work for months now, and no matter how hard I work I cannot change that, so I've resorted to doing only the most important things, and then going home. Which is exactly what I did today. I've had the whole evening for myself, and I can't say that I've been productive at all.
I do have the desire to be productive though. I become revitalized by crazy trips, and the level of revitalization is directly connected to the level of craziness. Suffice to say that my mind is full of energy. Well, at least, it was, a week ago. Life is starting to seep back in, and I'm already losing the momentum and the positive energy I had right after Australia. Determination remains, though, and I feel like someone is kicking me in the butt and telling me to get a move on.
So that's exactly what I've been doing. I'm exploring again. During rainy days, sitting at home, I am exploring. While programming at work, I am exploring. Not any physical place. Possibilities. I turn the world up-side-down in my head and consider the feasibility of every possible course of action. My motto used to be that 'a person always has a choice, even if he doesn't know it'. I think I've gradually lost sight of that. Things start with exploration. Once a new path has been found it can be used in the future. It's a great challenge to find the path you like, but as long as you have an open mind you can find it.
In my mind I am repeating the things people have said to me, and my past motivations, all put together. The value of words depends on the mind of the person reading them. They mean less to me now, but that's not the words' fault, that's my fault. They still inspire me, and help me make tough decisions.
Believe in yourself
Never give up
Writing is a good hobby! I hope more people can enjoy it. It relaxes my mind.