Why stealing bicycles should be rewarded with the death penalty

So my bicycle was stolen. It was chained to a metal pipe in the alley next to my apartment. My apartment is quite in the middle of nowhere, at least in London terms. It's not like tons of people walk by and have a chance to just grab the bike and run away with it. No, somebody purposefully went to my street late at night, specifically decided to take none other than my bicycle, which I guess had to do with the lock quality because there's plenty of other bicycles parked around here, then proceeded to cut the lock and take the whole thing away. A conscious act of thievery. One that should result in the death penalty.

Why, you ask me? It's simple really. Anyone who committed a crime such as this does not commit it by accident. Nor did they do it for personal gain because they really need a bicycle, because that's just bullshit. They want to sell it, simple as that. They are directly trespassing in other people's lives and taking their property. I know of no culture where that's acceptable. But how do you get in the mindset to do such a thing? You might have been raised in a culture where it's ok to take other people's stuff. I know of no such culture though, and if you did come from one, I say fuck you to you and your culture. It's not acceptable here, so don't do it. Whoever did it didn't do it by accident. The thief understands the rules of society and yet deliberately chooses not to follow them. I'm fine with that actually, because personally I don't care much for society's rules. But as far as personal morals go I am very much against inconveniencing or otherwise interfering with other people. And taking their property is right at the top of the list of inconveniencing people.

Now that we've determined that the act was clearly deliberate and not brought about by circumstance, we must decide the punishment. We can rule out jail time immediately. Criminals meet other criminals in jail while they survive off of the taxpayer's money. Things will only get worse from there. You could cut off the hand of a criminal, or another body part, to make him fearful of doing it again. But that will create social stigma against him because he'll be easy to recognize as a criminal. It will prevent him from finding a job, or being successful at it without his missing limb.

A final option would be re-education. There are those who believe that human nature may change over time and that with proper guidance such a criminal will see the folly of his ways, repent, and live a productive and societal life from there on. I say: bullshit. People committing as conscious a crime as going to a place in the middle of nowhere to cut through a bicycle lock and then carry away the bicycle will not repent. They know what they did, the only reason they would feel sorry about it is if they got caught. Even if  re-education works, it's too expensive.

The world population is exploding. There's billions and billions of people on this world right now. We don't need criminals in this world. I say, kill them all. The world will be a better place for it. I'm certainly not advocating genocide against a particular race, because I believe that the future of humanity lies in diversity of genes. I'm not even saying that every single country in the world should immediately adopt such a policy, because some countries are even now, shit. Yes, I'm looking at you, Cuba. And in these shit countries even a criminal can contribute to society while continuing his criminal escapades, simply because society can be so much improved there.

But not in the UK, or anywhere else in Western Europe for that matter. First world countries have been around for a long time. Society has stabilized around the current pattern, and criminals are destroying that stability and making these countries a shit place to live in. I will happily vote for a law that states that every consciously committed crime of the value-equivalent of a bicycle is punishable by death. I will even happily flip the switch that will kill the person who took my bicycle. And no, I do not think that is extreme.

The world does not need more criminals.


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