Here I am again, wandering around Atsugi at night by bicycle. Everything still feels incredibly nostalgic. Sitting by the riverside it is only second nature to me to think that afterwards I will cycle back to the youth heim, knock on some people's doors and have a roof party together. Or that I'll stop by Kimisawa to buy some discount food before closing time and walk up those five flights of stairs to my room carrying the grocery bags. Or that I'll head to Hon-Atsugi station to meet some friends for yakiniku. And then I remember that I'm staying at a hotel and I've left this place two years ago.

These feelings are exactly like childhood memories. Even if the place still exists, you can never recreate the same feelings again. In all reality, most of the people I used to have good times with here were gone long before I left. When I left this place I knew that staying here would have meant career death for me. I could have moved to a different place in Japan; most likely Tokyo, to get a new job. But no place would have been the same as those childhood memories I created here, be it inside or outside Japan. I guess in the end, I regret leaving Atsugi. But I would have regretted staying even more.

There is no conflict in my mind. I am not glorifying a potential future in Japan just because I grew up here. I've had good times here and bad times, and the future will be a whole different thing altogether. I am not blinded by the past.

Posted in Japan , Thoughts