A random rambling post

This blog has long since become a massive infodump about my life. I started blogging almost 10 years ago! That's just mad. I never could have imagined that I would still have this blog after so long. Some of the frivolous hypotheticals I have asked myself on this blog have started with 'In 10 years, ...', or 'How would I feel about X 10 years from now?'

So, in the spirit of regaining some of the frivolous blogging spirit I had 9 years ago, and also to create some new content I can laugh at 10 years from now, let's write about some random stuff!

There's this funny personality type test here; 8 years ago I was an INFJ, and I've switched between INTJ and INFJ over the past 10 years, probably tending more towards INTJ in general. I'm surprised this hasn't changed; I feel quite like a different person compared to who I was 8 years ago..

That is perhaps one of the things I am 'struggling' with the most today: I'm not 23 any more. I often wonder if, extrapolating from the 23-year-old me, is the current me the best possible version that I could have become? If I am, I wouldn't have made a single mistake or wrong choice since I was that age, so I would rate that as extremely unlikely. It does make me wonder if, on the bell curve of possible future-me's, most versions of me would more or less end up with a similar mind as the one I have right now. It seems likely, but my mind likes to pretend that only good things happened in the past and therefore the present must have the same type of good things happen to me in order for me to be as 'good' as I was back then. It's silly, that: life does move on, and you can't pretend to be a mad, directionless twenty-something forever.

I am very much not directionless any more. My preference for contemplating the meaning of life has evolved into a preference for building a sustainable and comfortable environment for myself in which I can continue to contemplate the meaning of life. Speaking of contemplation, I have not had a toilet of my own for 4 years now. That is fucking ridiculous. Every man should have his own toilet. But I digress.

An apartment or house that I own. That is what I want. And it's not even 'I' any more, nor has it been for a very long time. Although I try not to drag her into my blog much, my girlfriend and I are very happy together :) - Happy enough to move in together, obviously. Having a girlfriend meant, very simply, a huge shift in lifestyle for me. As an introvert I tend to reserve a fair portion of my free time for myself; time where I don't have to interact with people. I used to spend the other portion of my free time with my friends, and now nearly all of that time is spent with my girlfriend. My friends are no different either - this appears to be how 30-somethings live their lives at this age in this era in this country. While I fondly remember the days where all my friends lived in the same building and we could just knock on each other's doors any time to go out and have fun, now is not the time, place, nor age for that, and I couldn't get that experience back even if I wanted to.

I'm making some big choices lately, but I already know that I won't regret them. Making the big choices in life has never been a problem for me; the only things that dissatisfied me were things that were out of my control. Buying an apartment in London in 2015 may well be a terrible financial decision, despite all the research I put into it suggesting that it won't be. But even if it is, I estimate the financial loss to be acceptable, whereas the alternative of not having my own toilet for another 4 years just isn't. I've put my life on hold for too long, but now it's time to get what I want.

The future is full of possibilities. I used to pride myself on answering the question "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?" with "I haven't a clue!". I've matured a bit, taken on responsibility, but I still value the idea of not having a fixed future very highly. My answer still stands, but the question has become: "Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?". We shall see. We shall see..


Posted in Thoughts