This week I'll restart my old job after a break period. It might have changed a bit, but I'll be working again with the people I love to work with. I'm genuinely happy about that, and I'm also looking forward to having the next real goal day. I've had plenty of side goals during my break period, but now that it's nearing its end it's pretty clear that the next big goal for me is to just get back to work again. I'm very ok with that. It was a good break, but now it's time to get some work done again. Before I do that though, here's some random thoughts to get out of my brain while I'm still in full awake mode.
I'm not sure if it's the break period, the cycling trip, the weight loss, finally having a decent apartment, or all of the above, but I am feeling supremely comfortable in my own head right now. More comfortable than I've felt in a long time. This current mental state is absolutely worth however long it takes to achieve it. My main goal for my break period was to lose weight; I've gotten started on that, but still have a long way to go. I can already feel the physical and mental effects. I get tired less quickly. I can hop on my bike and do a hill without too much effort. I'll need to keep up the cycling though, otherwise those muscles will disappear very quickly again. Mentally I feel more awake and aware, although that also slips when I don't exercise regularly. Still, I feel like I've made good progress over the past months.
Pursuing extreme emotions is a goal I've recently regained interest in. Apathy is my worst enemy, and when it hits me I don't even realize it. In retrospect, at this current moment of non-apathetic-ness, I can tell that I've been somewhat apathetic about my own life in the past. Not to the point where it affected my decisions; even if I feel less emotionally involved in something I'm still rational enough to make the same choice as I otherwise would have made with my emotions. But I recognize now that some moments in my past have felt more numb than they should have felt. I'm aware of that right now, and it feels like I'm catching up on all those previous experiences, which feels amazing. I hope I can hang on to this awareness. I wish I knew how to make some of the people I know aware of their apathy towards their own lives. But even if I told them, they couldn't care. It doesn't bother me as much as it should. I've never been much of an influencer of other people, and I don't lie awake at night worrying about it. It's everyone's responsibility to save themselves, you can't rely on others to do it for you.
Mind reset. Body reset. Time for the next thing. Epic new first times await.
(and epic new first second times, and epic new first third times, and..)