A house of cards

Stuff that you build can easily fall apart. Things that you take for granted will be gone the next day. People might surprise you. They can also disappear. Sometimes unexpected things need to happen to make people realize the things they take for granted can suddenly be gone. Justl ike that.

That being said, I am thinking hard about going home in August. It's the end of my lifestyle here. The last friends from last year will leave in September. There's already a nice bunch of people from this year, but between now and September a lot of people will leave. It's like last year all over again, only this time I miss the last month of spending time with my friends, and I will use it to go home (?). It seems like such a waste of my time.

As you can gather from this post I haven't booked my plane ticket yet. The departure date is fixed, but I'm thinking about when to go back to Japan. How much are my friends worth to me? And how much are my parents worth to me? People I care about more, but can still see anytime I want after I go back home, or people I have made a connection with for the past year, and might never see again? Well, at least it's in line with my life's philosophy, which is that you always have a choice. Some of them are harder than others I guess.

The 'not caring' part of me is growing stronger lately. I see (Chinese) people get worked up for the most silly reasons, and I don't understand them. Somehow I always have fun with the Chinese people here in Japan, and they are all good friends. But it's still very difficult for me to understand how some of my Chinese friends live their lives. I think I like strange people, and so far most mainland Chinese people are very strange to a European person like me. I guess that's why I get along with them well. I wish Ningning and Yu Huan were still here. I miss you two!

Oh right, provoking people. I'm getting the feeling that I am becoming more and more provocative to people, and less nice, perhaps. I've lost interest, and I'm trying to create a situation where I actually care. So far I'm failing. Life is just too easy and relaxed right now.

I miss my challenge.

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