The colorful wolf

I've spoken to life, and life spoke to me. We both agree that it sucks sometimes.

I was pissed off at Holland today. I guy in Holland posted on the internet that he was beat up in his home town by some assholes. They came to look for him in his home and beat him up. Just people you know. People you meet in a cafe when you go out. People who are, or used to be, your friends, even. The town in question was not even that big, about the same size as the town where I come from. An incident like this depresses me.

And if that was all I would just shrug it off as an incident and stop thinking about it. But I read a similar story last week. And the week before. And the week before that. Things like this happen. A lot. And I was so disappointed in my own country. I am not a nationalist at all, but I like the Netherlands. I like living there. But I am realizing that that country is not nice, or not good at all, when you look at it objectively. Stuff gets stolen, people get robbed, people get killed or beaten up. There are places you definitely do not want to be at night, alone or even with others. Objectively speaking, if I was a foreigner finding a place to live in Europe, I would not go to the Netherlands.

My opinion is biased of course, all the more because I am living in Japan, one of the safest countries in the world. I know other countries are a lot worse in terms of public safety and crime rates. Bert tells me stories about Peru where people get robbed in the streets, and there's an infamous story going around in our company about a Japanese guy going to Spain and getting robbed. Of course other countries suck too. But that only tells us that the world sucks, not that I should feel better because the Netherlands are just as bad as any other country. I wish I had a solution though. I should be a dictator. My country would be nice.

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Where do you think you will be next year? I asked myself this question last year around this time, and I had a plan, sort of. Go back to Holland in January, unless something good would happen in Japan that would give me a reason to stay. Something good happened, and I had a reason to stay longer ^^. I didn't plan to stay here longer, and my life again turned out to be quite different from what I thought it would be. For better or worse, I don't know yet. I got way more than I expected, but I lost way more than I expected too. The end result is that almost nothing changed since last year, except that I renewed my contract. The endless loop keeps on repeating itself? I found my exit condition already, though.

So where will I be one year from now? Obviously I still have a job here, but who knows what might happen? Things can turn out a lot worse than they are now, or a lot better. I've stopped trying to steer my life, I'm just following the road now. And there won't be any side streets for a good long time. The road is straight, long, and I've been on it before. I'm just waiting for the crossing that will take me to another road. Nice metaphor. By the way, I've been playing the same racing game for 5 years, and I still haven't grown tired of it. I keep on improving. The path stays the same but I change. And who knows, if I change enough I might be brave enough to try leaving the road completely to steer into the wilderness.

I like the path I am taking, and I do not regret it. In the end all roads lead to the same place anyway. I won't say it doesn't matter which one you take, but at least the end result is the same. My destination is fixed. The path is fixed. All that remains is following the road. And perhaps, somewhere along the way, something unexpected might happen. After all, the road is long, and many things can happen along the way.