The colorful wolf

And what an interesting time it is indeed.


There are a lot of things going on in other people's lives. My friends are studying, looking for jobs, planning holidays, dealing with personal problems, thinking about the future, trying to be more independent, talking more to me, talking less to me.

And I'm still the same.

Am I happy? I don't even have to think to answer this question. The answer is no. Objectively speaking, there are a lot of people who have a life unimaginably worse than mine. I don't like to compare myself with others. And my life was unimaginably better last year around this time.

But that's nothing new. I knew this was going to happen. I can deal with it. I'm calm now. And cold, as you can see from the picture. Winter is really coming. It's good for me to talk to the friends I made last year, and it's nice to see them move on with their life. In hindsight everything is clear. I observe people moving towards some goal, and when they finally reach it I realize that it was so obvious that they had been moving purposefully towards that goal all along. And then I wonder, is anyone observing me? And towards what goal am I moving?

Are you stupid if you believe in something? I know my attitude towards religious people is not very tolerant, but that's not because I question their beliefs. I question that some people give themselves completely to a religion, and trust without doubt. But at the same time, I am one of these people. I never considered myself religious, but I think I am closer to a priest than to a scientist, even though I don't believe in god. I believe in science. Blindly. Just like religious people believe in Christ or Buddha or Mohammed or whatever.

The 'blindly' part's the bad part, I guess. A rational mindset is one of my highest goals in things that I look for, but I pursue it blindly, and I discard this goal when I find something I can believe in, no matter how unrealistic it is. Science is not the only thing I believe in. Just as religious people find faith in believing tales of god, I find faith in believing in myself, and that the world can be right again, as long as I believe.

The holiday season is coming. I've become more cynical since last year. I wonder what Marco would think of me now o_0. Haha. The good and the bad thing about believing in a higher purpose is that things of a lower purpose no longer matter to you. Yet it is these things that are a certainty, and that will prove to be important to you in the future. Don't forget about that, and trust yourself. Amyko's life motto has been adopted by me, and I will prove that by trusting myself I can be happy.

Messy christmas and a hairy new year? We'll see...