You can't always get what you want?

Sometimes I buy something nice for myself. Something that is not the best-value-for-money product, but something a bit more expensive. It's better, of course, just not quite as betterer as you might expect from the price tag. Yet, unquestionably, it's better. I enjoy such a purchase greatly because I know I bought something good, but I also feel guilty about having spent money when I didn't really have to. After such a purchase I feel like I need to stop spending for a while, so even if there's something else that I really want, I'll delay buying just for the sake of it, even though I can afford it.

This seems to happen to me with complete disregard to price range. I'll feel bad about going for the slightly more expensive meal (~20GBP), the slightly more expensive Lego set (~50GBP), the slightly more expensive headphones (~200GBP) or the slightly more expensive bike (~1000GBP). Just reading back what I just wrote makes me feel guilty for buying all those things, even though I know I can afford them and enjoy all of them.

As you get older there's more and more purchases coming up: a car, a house, a hotel, a planet, a galaxy. I feel the need to have worked harder for each thing that I own because I taught myself that if you want to buy something, you should suffer. The idea of "I just bought that and didn't even break a sweat" implies a never-ending guilt trip to me. But only if you buy nice things. Buying crap things is OK. You don't feel the need to suffer so much when you're buying crap things. The problem with that is, you're buying crap things.

Perhaps I just like tormenting myself. I'd just really like it if I could be happy about the nice things that I buy without feeling guilty about it..

I was going to call this post "You can always get what you want" and make it about how I can afford the nice things instead of the average things, but a) the tone was very dickish and b) I didn't actually get what I want cause I don't want a guilt trip and I have one. Damn you, Rolling Stones, you were right after all.


Posted in Thoughts