Goals are personal

For some reason I always used to think that if I got a girlfriend my whole life would suddenly make sense. I would change my life to do everything for her and that would be more than enough satisfaction for me to live my life, no matter what I would have to do. We would have goals together and those goals would be the only ones that matter. The 'I' would dissolve into 'we' and the old me would disappear and something grander and better and different would be born.

This did not happen.

I mean, sure, there's stuff we do together, and a very large part of our lives overlap, so there's a lot of things that now naturally only occur in the 'we'-context. But I'm finding that all those things still only make up a small part of me and that the things that really, truly, motivate me are part of my core being and have not changed at all.

And I feel totally guilty about that. After all, I am finally in this fantastic relationship with a girl who shares so many interests and ways of life with me, yet somehow I feel the need to have goals of my own in addition to that? Shame! But that's the way I feel, and one of the things I am still learning in this relationship is how to not make myself feel guilty about that. The 'I' did not dissolve into the 'we', but everything 'we' do makes my 'I' experience better. And her 'I' exprience too (I hope!). That surely must be the sign of a good relationship between introverts.

2016 is approaching. I have many things I want to do. I have the means to do them, although it may involve taking a bit more risk than I usually do. But I'm looking forward to new things because the excitement of new things is what makes me happy. New things are always worth pursuing.


Posted in Thoughts