Freedom of choice

It's been two weeks since I'm back from the cycling trip, and I've decided to take some time off work. The project I was on is running fine and I left it in good condition, or so it would appear given that I didn't get any emergency calls or tech questions in my mailbox while I was away. Rather than jumping immediately back into it again I'm going to take a few weeks to reorganize my life a bit.

My life tends to be quite single-threaded. Or rather, there's always a main, most-important thread, and any brain time left over is assigned to stuff that's of secondary importance. I'm not really good at concentrating on two important tasks at the same time. For example, focusing on my job while also occasionally going cycling or doing a half-assed programming project at home is quite common for me, but I find it impossible to focus on, say, finding the perfect apartment while also focusing on my job. When I do that, the quality of either task suffers, and I don't want to do that to my employer (or myself).

So yeah, one of the things I'm committed to this summer is to become a 'citizen' of London. Which, to me, means finding a proper apartment even further away from London and buying a car. Quality of life is either impossible or unaffordable when close to the center, and I'm committed to being close to the countryside already by my very nature, so the choice is logical. I've been holding off on this decision for a long time, always stalling, always waiting, because there's always some reasonable reason to delay. Either I'm too busy with work, got a big holiday coming up, gonna eventually move in with girlfriend, etc. etc. There's always some excuse. I've eliminated all possible excuses now, so it's time to inject some quality into my living situation.

At the same time I'm trying not to overdo it too much. Work can at worst be stressful but even at best there's still this constant pressure and feeling of not being able to let your guard down, so I'm relishing the feeling of not being responsible for a massive project for a while. A sudden complete lack of responsibility is kind of hard to cope with when you suddenly find yourself in the middle of it. I keep on wanting to compulsively check my work email but have to tell myself that it's not necessary. Another side effect of being able to do anything I want at any time I want, is that I am doing anything I want at any time I want. But only for a few minutes, and then I get bored of it. So I end up switching from playing a game to reading a book to watching a TV show to playing another game without ever really committing to any one thing.

That's what happens when I let myself run on freeflow, and I can't say it's terribly brilliant. It's not so much the lack of motivation, it's the lack of determination that prevents me from accomplishing things. Things like writing blog posts ;) . Exercise helps a lot. When I hop on my bicycle I get a chance of scenery and a good workout, waking up my body and my mind, which helps me focus greatly. Variety in life is really important to stay determined.

I will try to blog more. This summer is a great summer!

Posted in Daily Life , Thoughts