The more things stay the same, the more I change. I’m back at work now. I felt quite energetic and fresh today, which I’m guessing is thanks to the weight loss and exercise. I really need to keep that up. Anyway, here’s some short thoughts.
For the past year or so I have been coming completely around on my opinion about mobile phones. I hated my first Android phone, then got a Galaxy S4 which I still absolutely love, but now that I’ve gotten used to the presence of a reliable phone and internet access all the time, all I can think of is that I no longer want that any more. The mobile phone is a device that seemingly has the power to disturb you at any given moment. I don’t give that right to nearly anyone or anything, and my mobile phone certainly does not deserve that privilege. It’s merely a device of distraction that does not really better my life in any way, other than as a tool for navigation. I’m going to really try to avoid using it from now on. I might even leave it at home on some days.
Today was my first day back at the old workplace. I walked past the ugly building that I walk past every time on my way to work; the building that had come to represent the worst possible life I could imagine. But it has no power over me now. I no longer look it at with dread or disgust or any other kind of strong feeling. It’s just a building now. I used to play with the thought that one day I too would have an apartment, a mortgage, a commute, a girlfriend/wife, a car, a 9-to-5 job and all the other things that I at the time thought would change my life from ‘super fucking awesome’ to ‘normal’. That ugly building that I passed every morning represented that idea to me. I was in the process of gaining all those normal things that I thought would make my life meh-er, but the only reason my life ever was meh was because of my own attitude. I’ve become used to the change in lifestyle and have realized that at the end of it all I am still myself. The idea represented by the building has proven to be false. So now I walk past it without giving it a second thought. Except today, because I felt the need to blog about it. Feels good.
I’ve blogged before about my love-hate relationship with time. I had another good moment today on the overground, where instead of playing on my phone I decided to listen to some music instead, which always promotes good thoughts. I somehow ended up imagining how a particular situation that happened today could have played out a million times more awkwardly for me, and then I realized that even if that did happen, it wouldn’t affect me negatively in any way whatsoever in the future. All that would remain is the strong memory a terrible day, which I’m starting to think is worth more than a weak memory of an average day. Relating this back to time – if you think about things this way, you can use the power of time to your advantage to get out of your comfort zone and do crazy things, knowing that after a while it’ll just be a good, or bad, memory. But at least it’ll be a strong one.
Perhaps the above paragraph sounds like obvious, maybe even cheesy life advice. I’ve heard or read something similar many times myself, but my brain needs to connects the dots for itself, it needs to relate the ‘generic life lesson’ to actual life experiences that I’ve had, and it’s only after those experiences that everything really clicks into place. It’s like you’re pre-loading your brain with knowledge for later, to be unlocked once you gain experience, which turns the knowledge into wisdom. I wouldn’t dare presume to call myself wise in any way, but the words sounds pleasantly descriptive for the concepts I’m describing.
Real life numbs. Keep stepping out of your comfort zone to slap yourself awake. I hope I can keep this post-holiday energy for as long as I can. Thanks everyone for telling me that you’re reading this blog! That means a lot to me. I will keep writing for as long as my energy and mindset allows