British Humour

Stare someone straight in the face with a very serious look in your eyes. Say something extremely rude and offensive. Keep staring. If the corner of your opponent's mouth twitches slightly then your joke was extremely hilarious.

 

Posted in One-liners , UK

For fuck's sake, have a little imagination

Is it really so hard to believe that money is in fact not the number one priority in my life?

(woosh, I just alienated 99% of the world's population)

Posted in One-liners

Self-censorship

I wrote a post about self-censorship but decided not to publish it.

-__-

Posted in One-liners , Thoughts | Tagged

Bread

French bread tastes much better if you make sound effects while cutting it.

(this is a well known fact)

Posted in Daily Life , One-liners | Tagged , ,

Standards

If your standards are too high you will no longer be able to enjoy anything.

Posted in One-liners , Thoughts

Undo

Is ceasing to care the same thing as giving up?

Posted in One-liners , Thoughts

Work

Today I was in a meeting for such a long time that I even wished I was developing in Objective-C.

...

(Ah, so THAT's why they invented twitter!)

 

 

Posted in One-liners

Mensen...

Bakboter smeert niet!!!

Posted in Dutch , One-liners

BAAAH NA NA

Damn Japanese bank still blocking my creditcard. I will give the asswhooping.

Also, I think the cold that I've been having for the past two months has finally disappeared. And on that note: my room really smells! Or rather, the roof next to my room smells, and now it's infecting my room as well..

Posted in Daily Life , Japan , One-liners

A multilingual development environment

I've been cleaning up a bit at work, and I rediscovered a file with various quotes that the interns and I thought funny enough to log. I'll share some of them here, for nostalgias sake. I omitted the names and the countries cause I don't want to offend people. It's been a great couple of years, and there's a lot more quotes besides these, but these are the only ones that are quite context-free and devoid of vulgar language ;)

On countries, language, culture and misunderstandings

Intern W: Your English has Dutch accent.

(Dutch) Intern M: That's because I was speaking in German

Intern W: our company has a lot of Cancer

(but she meant the zodiac sign)

Intern W: Fish talks to fish, boss talks to boss, it's a japanese way, huh?

Intern S: How do you spell stairs in Japanese (romaji)?

Intern M: K.... A... III'm drunk!

Intern W: I know Yoda. He killed Jesus.

(Note: Yoda != Judas)

Intern Q: So the power bars are not protected against surgery?

Intern W: you should break your brain (let your brain take a break)

French Intern L: Did you buy French water?

American Intern R: Yes

French Intern L: Thank you

Intern B (native English speaker): English is a terrible language

On work

Intern A: (about programming-related tool) This is shit.

Japanese Employee K: Sou da ne. (yes, it is)

Intern A: That's not very subtle, is it?

Intern R: It's a rocket launcher.

(Note: USB Rocket launcher)

Intern K: do you know anything about polymorphosism?

Intern D: in order to use a speech recognition system, first you must be able to speak properly

Intern L: I would like a job with less focus on work

Intern W: R,tell me how to let PC shut up at fixed time.

Intern W: (complicated boolean question)

Intern R: Yes, I am 95% sure of that

Intern W: haha,I'm 95% thank you

Intern R trying his security card: it doesn't work!

Intern W: that's because you are bad personality.

Intern R: Every Japanese person in any kind of vehicle will eventually fall asleep and fall on you

Intern to M to Intern R: here's a copy of the scientific paper, because you probably didn't get it.

Intern W: But my [speech recognition] model is not wrong! It's just DIFFERENT!

Good times!

Posted in Daily Life , Japan , One-liners , Tech